Football Managers

It is disgraceful seeing Sir Alex Ferguson berating the referee like he did last weekend.
How are we as a society supposed to teach our children to respect other people when high profile people like Sir Alex act without manners or thought for the example they are setting?
Will Sir Alex write to the referee the next time some player or watcher of a Sunday League match attacks the referee? Will he not feel a trifle contrite when he thinks that his behaviours has helped to set the standards for those who look up to him? Will he send an apology to the next referee of a lower league match who ends up in hospital after being attacked?
He should be banned for a large number of games. But that will not happen. The FA is too much in awe of him so they will be weak as far as he is concerned. If it had been say a Championship manager who has not the profile of Sir Alex, the FA would have acted.
On top[ of this there is the way in which managers blame the referee for any defeat. They are blind to the missed goal chances from their over paid strikers. The  were not looking when their players commit fouls.
All football team managers must try to set an example to today's youth.

Fantasy Trilogy by Eddie Gubbins

My fantasy Trilogy The Rombuli Saga can be downloaded via www.smashwords.com onto
epub is the format Smashwords distributes to the Apple iBookstore, Sony, Kobo, B&N, Stanza, Aldiko and others.Sony Reader (LRF), Kindle (.mobi. Mobipocket is an eBook format supported on the Kindle, as well as Windows PCs and many handheld devices.  Palm Doc (PDB), PDF, RTF, Plain Text.


The Teacher of The Rombuli

Edward Eastland lives in an obscure country of the Parison Empire son of the most powerful man in Alskar Province, Idris Eastland. For over a century, the small nation of the Rombuli has been bowed down under the yoke of the Parison Empire and the Imperial Army,. The Emperor and the Imperial High families are maintained in power by the mysterious group of magicians called the Covenent. 

Soon after Edward meets Kitty the daughter of the Imperial Army Commander, the Emperor plans a visit to this distant Province of his Empire. In Alskar Town Square he confronts a Covenenter using his power but has to back down.

Edward is taken to Nimmar the capital of Rombuli and is forced to confront the dichotomy of his hate for the Empire but his love and friendship for some of the Imperial servants? 

Follow Edward as he learns more of the secrets of the Rombuli, attempts to confront the Covenent as he learns more of his power and searches for the ancient Teacher of the Rombuli, Nelvask, who has not been seen for over one hundred years. 

The Return Of The Exiles

Book 2 of The Rombuli Saga

The Empire was disintegrating. There had been no communication with the Parison for years. People reported that strange creatures had been seen. Sending troops to investigate proved futile. As soon as they crossed the border, nothing was heard of them again. The plan was to hold onto Rombuli while somebody found out what was happening.

Edward was given the task of finding the Walloonian army at a place called Bryants Ridge. He has to leave his new wife Kitty with her brother Boric and his friend Tag. In the event, they becomes cut off from Rombuli. With his friends Boric Borovic and Tag he sets out to find his way back home by a circuitous route.

Edward wonders whether his powers, magic as Tag calls it, help him and keep them safe. Will he learn more about the extent of his powers? Are there forces with greater powers than him waiting to prevent him reaching his goal? During the journey, will his friends keep following his lead no matter the dangers they encounter? 

As they set out they have to face the possibility that the Empire will no longer exist when the get back home.

This follows Book 1 of The Rombuli Saga - The Teacher of the Rombuli.

Book 3: The Prisoner of Parison
Edward and his friends had gone. Now all that was left was for the Rombuli army to retreat back to the Alskar River. Silker the leader of the army had said “ We do not have enough trained soldiers to do anything about a direct attack on the enemy. With odds of twelve to one, we can do nothing to ultimately to stop their advance. I took the liberty of looking at the way the Imperial Army conquered Rombuli and I can see no difference in the situation we face now. The invasion was on three fronts. The Imperial Army came in three waves, one across the lake, one across the ford and one across the bridge in the north in a pincer movement towards the Rock. The Sardonians and the Rombuli armies fell back and only committed themselves to a pitch battle on the plain before the Rock assisted by Nelvask and his magicians. As I see things we can only follow similar tactics, though with so few soldiers, any pitched battle is doomed. If we have to make a stand, it will either have to be outside Nimmar in Derek's Gap or at the Alskar River by Alskar Town. All we can do is hope that Nelvask and Latask can hold them up with their power at these places. The other thing we can do is to leave some men behind to harass their backs and hit their supply lines in the same way as the Rombuli did under Derek Gorland's leadership. It almost worked for them even though the Imperial Army vastly out numbered their troops and were highly trained. I must admit, it is not much of a strategy but it is the only one I can come up with at short notice. Desperate times call for desperate methods. I know it is really a delaying tactic, hoping that something will come up. I can see little hope of it succeeding."

Deep down they all know it is suicide but all that can be done until somebody leads a party to Parison to rescue the prisoner Tulka. He is the leader of the magician faction called the Covenent but imprisoned by the Black Elves. With his magic and the rest of the Covenent there might be a chance of confronting the Black Elves. The elves of the Golden City stir in their forest after being confronted by Edward and agree to help the humans.
Who will lead the assault on Parison or will it be a clandestine mission? Where is Edward Eastland and will he be able to use his power in rescuing Tulka?
The situation is desperate. The enemy appears to have much stronger magic and more soldiers. Will Nelvask find Edward in time and will the elves of the Golden City help in freeing Tulka?

Also available on Kindle through Amazon.

The Teacher of the Rombuli and The Return of the Exiles are available as paperbacks at www.createspace.com or www.amazon.com.

gun control in USA

What a nation. Guns to kill people! Give the people more guns so that They can kill more people. This is a nation that sees itself as the most civilised on earth. It prides itself on being Christian but kills people. Many people like me who admire the good things that are part of the USA do not understand their right wing bias in many things.

Resurrected thriller novel

After writing my thriller Brotherly Love, I sat down and wrote the sequel A Legacy From Mary. This was never quite finished or edited at the time. It has lain on my computer desk top for a number of years almost forgotten while I pursued other topics.
Last week I came across the file and down loaded onto my Kindle. It needs editing but to me it reads well. The story once more involves Ken Flood in the affairs of his brother Norman and the mysterious Commander Sturgess. His friend and fellow academic Mary Hubbert is killed in a road accident. In questioning the police conclusion about the cause, Ken is drawn into a web of deceit both in the UK and West Africa. Ken learns that he is tougher than he imagined. He travels with the lovely half Chinese girl called Sui Ling Powell. It is about the abuse of power, life threatening encounters, political intrigue and fear.
When I have finished editing this and writing the last chapter I will publish on Kindle and/ or Smashwords.
Brotherly Love is published on Kindle at the kindle store on www.amazon.com or www.amazon.co.uk for down loading It is also on www.smashwords.com and as a paperback with www.createspace.com

Fantasy Trilogy

                                             

Buy my Fantasy Trilogy " The Rombuli Saga" through Kindle at www.amazon.co.uk or www.amazon.com, or www.smashwords.com for downloading to all electronic platforms. 

Book 1 The Teacher of the Rombuli and Book 2 The Return of the Exiles can be bought from www.createspace.com or amazon.com as paperbacks. Book 3 The Prisoner of Parison is being prepared for publication as a paperback.

Another rejection slip!

Another rejection slip to add to the file full on my desk for my romance novel Running After Maria

Looking at it starts to make me wonder whether it is worth going on with my writing. I start to ask the question of what is the purpose. The problem is that the stories and ideas keep cropping up in my head. Sometimes I wake in the night and and idea is born. I know, as my creative writing tutor keeps telling me, I should keep a note book with me at all times. When these ideas occur i should note them down before I forget. That is not the problem though.
I ask myself whether it is because I cannot write or not in the way publishers want me to write. But the stories are always pushing to get out.
Or is it that I do not mix in the right circles? I did not go to Oxbridge or whatever. I have no contacts in th literary area. It does strike me that many published authors have been published because they have friends or aquaintances in influential positions.
Or am I sending my stuff to the wrong people. It is a rather hit and miss process of finding where to send novels and short stories.
Then low and behold I get an email to say that some people have downloaded my fantasy novels from Smashwords. (The Teacher of The Rombuli, The Return of the Exiles and The Prisoner of Parison. All published on smashwords.com, kindle and the first two as paperbacks at createspace,com) There is somebody out there who wants to read my work.
It makes me determined to carry on.
Now to get my Tales from the Sea, the semi autobiographical novel of the time I spent at sea during the 1960's, ready to send away to a publisher or to publish on smashwords. This is a semi-autobiographical novel based on the period served in the British Merchant Navy from 1957 to 1969. During that time, I sailed on oil tankers, cargo ships and passenger ferries to most parts of the world. The reader will meet the characters good and bad, some larger than life, who crew the ships. There are times of calm and days of danger both of the ships and the men. Between the voyages there are the times spent ashore in bars, brothels and in compound clubs. Some of the time there are episodes of humour and at other tragedy, the dramas and dangers of being at sea. Under pinning the whole tale is the sea in all its moods.

This is best illustrated by an unpublished poem of mine.

The Sailor’s Mistress

When the cargo is loaded and all falls quiet

The sea itself is calling, 

Beckoning the sailor out there beyond the dock. 

His mistress is waiting 

Where the river meets the sea. 

He has no real knowledge of what her reaction will be

When he sails out to meet her. 

She may greet him in a calm, balmy mood,

Like a gentle lover entwining him in her arms, 

Leaving him refreshed and happy when they part. 

It might be that she is angry 

And will meet him with unmatched violence 

A violence which beats upon the senses 

And leaves the lovers drained and exhausted, 

Ready to rush apart , 

Ready to find a place of peace and quiet 

Not the feeling of complete satisfaction. 

Like all lovers, the sea and the sailor

Will never quite know what moods will greet them when they meet

Or how the mood can change very quickly.  

This is the excitement of the sea.  

Every time a ship leaves port,

The sailor approaches that love 

With a mixture of exhilaration and apprehension. 

Will they together make beautiful love under a clear blue sky 

Or will they fight? 

It is not for the sailor to subdue the sea 

But to live with her moods 

In the hope that he can survive.

The sea is calling, always calling 

As a lover calls.

The writing will continue! There again I have no choice in the matter. The stories need to be written down.!

Waiting for a bus

I stood on St Margaret's bus station in Leicester the other day waiting for an Arriva bus. The indicator said the bus was due at 1605. A queue formed. Nothing happened. Then the indicator changed. 1615. We waited. Nothing happened. The bus rank remained empty. Then the indicator changed. 1625. People in the queue were asking each other why the delay.
A question occurred to me. Have I wasted the last thirty five years? When I was lecturing I used to tell my students about this situation.
Transport is all about enabling people or goods to arrive at a place they would rather be or can be of greater utility. It is the arrival that people want from transport. But the promise of all transport companies must be hat the arrival is accomplished safely. The people or the goods have to arrive uninjured or in one piece. This all must be to a laid down timetable.
That is the promise that a transport company makes. To deliver a person of some goods to the destination at the time advertised and safely.
The biggest frustration for most people is for the transport company not to carry out their side of the bargain in not sticking to the timetable or not looking after the goods. Most people accept that transport cannot work like clockwork. There are elements which cannot be taken into consideration. What these people want is to be informed of why the delay or the holdup. To leave people stranded in a bus station without taking the trouble to give them some information about the causes of the delay and how the company is trying to solve the problem goes against all the principles of good transport.
I was saying this thirty five years ago but still the lessons have not been learnt.
A black mark for Arriva Buses!
For a fuller explanation see:
Chapter One of my book Managing Transport Operations published byKogan Page.

The Teacher of the Rombuli

My Fantasy Novel, THE TEACHER OF THE ROMBULI has now been published on smashwords at www.smashwords.com under author Eddie Gubbins. This supports all formats for downloading as an ebook.
It is also available as a paperback from www.createspace.com or  www.amazon.com

EddieGubbins: An Ordinary Life

EddieGubbins: An Ordinary Life: An Ordinary Life by Edmund J Gubbins Money laundering is illegal. Even Tom Houseman knows that. He, as an academic...

An Ordinary Life

An Ordinary Life by Edmund J Gubbins

Money laundering is illegal. Even Tom Houseman knows that. He, as an academic, makes a distinction between helping somebody to set up legitimate business and the source of the money.

The novel follows the life of Tom Houseman. From his early childhood on the edge of a hard council estate to eminent Professor with a worldwide reputation and great wealth. The story explores the manner in which most people regard themselves as honest and law abiding although there are times and circumstances when they ignore the rules of behaviour or of some moral code. These people justify their actions by ignoring their conscience or making excuses for their behaviour. In extreme cases they give the impression that morality is not an issue in their case.

Tom Houseman has a boyhood friend called Derek from the council estate and, though their paths diverge after junior school, he stays loyal to his friend. Derek becomes the right hand man of the criminal Mr. Big and introduces Edward. During his life, Edward accepts opportunities presented by his friends and his brother. These enhance both his standing in society and his wealth. All the time, he ignores and denies the moral and legal implications of taking advantage of these offers. As time passes, he has to accept the implications of his choices.

Will he finally have to face these hard decisions or will he sail serenely on living, to him, this ordinary life?

This is a novel which explores the question of how people struggle to maintain their honesty in a world where denial is the norm. A great many people ignore their transgressions and use various means to justify their actions. Most people believe what they do is right. The problem comes when they are presented with the choice of following their denial or facing up to the problems of their actions.

It can be purchased from Amazon.co.uk as a paperback or to download for Kindle or Amazon.com.

Have a good read.

EddieGubbins: Shirley Williams' Legacy

EddieGubbins: Shirley Williams' Legacy: Shirley Williams is a blinkered advocate of comprehensive education. Her motives for advocating this policy especially in the 1960's were wh...

Shirley Williams' Legacy

Shirley Williams is a blinkered advocate of comprehensive education. Her motives for advocating this policy especially in the 1960's were wholly honourable. She thought that every pupil in state schools should have a chance to fulfil his or her potential.There should be no grammar schools or selection at eleven years old. The snag came from the declaration of equality. Those who took up her policy read into it that schools should no longer be competitive. Pupils should be taught in multi-ability classes. There must be no streaming or picking out those with the highest academic aptitude.
This was especially true of sport. Sport should be for the love of taking part not to find out who was best. Those who did not like sport could be excused. There was no pressure for everybody to reach their potential. All competitions even school sports days were to be banned. Inter school leagues withered. Mrs Thatcher enthusiastically took this up and started to sell off what she saw as surplus land ie sports fields.
Now we are reaping the consequences. While we bathe in the glow of gold medals and salute British sports men and women, the underlying trend is for most medals to be won by the products of private schools.
We as a nation have to bring back not only sport in schools but competitive sport. Life is not non competitive but there are competitive aspects to living. I know there is also the element of some influence in life. Some people get a leg up from their connections. Despite this we have to make sure that all state school pupils are made to take part in competitive sport.

Beware the future!

What a prospect! Romney as president of the USA, Putin as President of Russia. Romney has no idea of diplomacy, takes right wing stands on most world issues. Putin is suspicious of the USA and the UK, has no sense of humour, prosecutes all those who oppose his power or make fun of him and will make sure he stays in power at any cost.
What are the rest of us to make of it all?

Mitt Romney!

I try not to get involved in USA politics or comment. After hearing Mitt Romney speaking in London the other day I was so angry I have to write something. How can Americans think about electing this man? When you are President one has to learn diplomacy. To come here and almost say we Brits are incapable of running the olympics is totally undiplomatic. It is like somebody coming into your house and making critical comments about the way you liv. They might think those thoughts but they do not say them. Beware of Mitt Romney.

Running After Maria, a tragic romance novel

Running After Maria my tragic romance novel.

James Ashleigh went to sea after leaving school and began to live what turned out to be, for him, the ideal life. Plenty of money, plenty of women and drink and visiting places only read about in books. The ideal life for somebody in their mid twenties with nothing to hold them in one place. Then one day at a party on one of ship on which he was an officer, in port in Finland, he meets Maria and life's complications start.

This is the story of one man’s descent into depression after tragedy strikes, his anger at other people trying to help and his redemption in the arms of somebody who admired the dedication of other people who try to help. It explores the question of whether a person can really be saved after a devastating loss especially of somebody that person loves deeply? Does not their world and the will to live end?

It is available in paperback from 

www.createspace.com 

and 

www.amazon.com

 

It is also available for downloading to Kindle and other electronic readers

from www.amazon.co.uk or www.amazon.com

It is also available for download from Amazon onto Kindle and other electronic reading devises.

working dogs

What is the definition of a working dog! It appears from the law that game dogs and greyhounds are working dogs. BUT guide dogs for the blind are not. Therefore guide dogs are the subject of tax while other working dogs are not. Surely this is wrong. It is another example of the government looking after their own. Surely the Lib Dems  cannot go on supporting this Tory government.

EddieGubbins: Noise regulations!

EddieGubbins: Noise regulations!: It appears that Bruce Springsteen and Paul McCartney fell they should be above the law. They both knew as did their organisers that the lice...

Noise regulations!

It appears that Bruce Springsteen and Paul McCartney fell they should be above the law. They both knew as did their organisers that the licence under which the concert was allowed to take place stated that the show should end at 1030pm. Surely if the show went on longer it is not the fault of the local authorities who granted the licence but of the performers. I bet if there was a concert near where they live that had a licence to perform until 1030pm and it had continued later, they would be the first people to complain. Indeed I suspect that many in the audience would have been up in arms if their local restrictions on noise were ignored if if it was some celebrity.
The same applies to Wimbledon. The agreement was 1100pm finish if the roof allowed night sessions. It is ill of many people to complain that there was a threat to stop at 1100pm.
These are agreements reached on behalf of local residents many of whom do not want loud music interrupting their leisure time.
Lets hope these stars organise things better in  the future, stick to their agreements and stop complaining!

Angry Ancient!

We have paid our taxes, worked all our life and saved. Now the rich members of the government want to brush us aside as a burden on the state. There is no money for looking after the old who have made this country what it is. Throw them away, we do not need them any more. We cannot afford to look after them. Though if they have not saved, been a burden on the state, we will find some money. There is no money to pay for the rest.
But wait. When the overpaid bankers need bailing out, there is money available. When MPs demand more pay for less work, there is money. Need to up date Trident. Here are more billions of pounds to spare.
Look after the old. Not on your nelly. That would cost us money we cannot afford.
We should respect the older members of society and help them especially in the light of the contribution they have made in the past.

EddieGubbins: Bankers, their behaviour and my novel An Ordinary ...

EddieGubbins: Bankers, their behaviour and my novel An Ordinary ...: Once again I have been thinking about the bankers and their seeming disregard for all normal behavior. It reminded me of my novel ...

Bankers, their behaviour and my novel An Ordinary Life

Once again I have been thinking about the bankers and their seeming disregard for all normal behavior. It reminded me of my novel An Ordinary Life. The story explores the manner in which most people regard themselves as honest and law abiding although there are times and circumstances when they ignore the rules of behaviour or of some moral code. These people justify their actions by ignoring their conscience or making excuses for their behaviour. In extreme cases they give the impression that morality is not an issue in their case. Everybody makes excuses for the way they live their lives. We often ignore our consciences which are telling us that what we do is not illegal but morally reprehensible. Though in the case of many bankers it appears that what they did was getting towards the illegal.

The novel explores this question through the actions and thoughts of one individual, Tom Houseman. He ignores the questionable nature of some of his projects and accepts the benefits. He very rarely asks or answer the question of the morality of what he is doing.

As an example. Money laundering is illegal. Even Tom Houseman knows that. He, as an academic, makes a distinction between helping somebody to set up legitimate business and the source of the money which is the basis of that business.

The story follows the life of Tom Houseman. From his early childhood on the edge of a hard council estate to eminent Professor with a worldwide reputation and great wealth. 

Tom Houseman has a boyhood friend called Derek from the council estate and, though their paths diverge after junior school, he stays loyal to his friend. Though he is a criminal and most of his activities against te law, Derek is the most honest person in the novel. He knows he is bent, he knows what he does is illegal and admits this to himself. There is no false values with Derek. How could there be given his background of a father who beat him frequently and who had sex with his daughters. When Derek breaks away from this life, he has only one path to follow.

Derek becomes the right hand man of the criminal Mr. Big and introduces Edward. During his life, Edward accepts opportunities presented by his friends and his brother. These enhance both his standing in society and his wealth. All the time, he ignores and denies the moral and legal implications of taking advantage of these offers. As time passes, he has to accept the implications of his choices.

Will he finally have to face these hard decisions or will he sail serenely on living, to him, this ordinary life?

The novel s available from Amazon for downloading to Kindle and other electronic readers.

The British Government

I have been thinking. Don't laugh but I do think sometimes. The question which has been niggling away at my brain is how can David Cameron and his ministers have any idea about what it is like to be poor? They pontificate but always about how much it costs the taxpayer not what it is like to be poor. When have any of them had to watch their mother weigh up whether to go without food herself against having something to eat herself and smaller portions for the others in the family? Have they ever had to stand looking at their children's shoes and working out how to repair them for the umpteenth time? Shen was the last time they sat and let the lights go out because they did not have any money to pay?
They live in a world of the adequately well off or the rich where if they want something they can go out and buy it. At the same time they defend the tax dodgers among their friends. They defend those like bankers who take more out of the system than their worth.
I do not know how they can really understand but they should find out what life is really like for the poor. They should realise that not all people who are on benefits are scroungers. They have to find a way to help people find employment. Half a bonus for a banker and as many as twenty extra people could be employed.
We shall see what happens when the next election comes along. When that will be will be decided by the Lib Dems   finally having enough of Tory arrogance. Lets hope that is soon.

Bible Readings!

I was in church on Sunday and the bible readings reminded me of my romance novel Running after
Maria. The same readings were used by the minister as I used in my novel. It is after James has lost Maria. He has turned to drink, refuses to see his son, has raped his best friends wife, had sex with a fifteen year old and beaten up a girl who refused to have sex with him. His life is a mess. He meets a girl called Henri and goes to her church to meet her one Sunday.
The passage goes like this:

It took a great deal of courage on my part to walk up to the door of the church and shake hands with the elder on duty.  Once inside, I slipped into the back row trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. It was a long time since I had sat in a church waiting for the service to start. The church was a plainly decorated, with rows of wooden pews facing a raised platform with a communion table and three chairs. The pulpit was next to the communion table and to the other side was a row of pews that I took to be for the choir.

Not long after I had taken my seat, a door opened beside the pulpit and a lady entered carrying a large bible. She was followed by a row of men and women and finally a minister. The lady placed the bible on a stand by the communion table, taking great care that it was open at the right place and all the pages were flat.

 She smoothed out a gold book mark to mark the place required. The Minister took his place in the pulpit and the service progressed. As I recall it now, it was very conventional. Hymns, prayers, bible reading, Hymn in succession. It was the readings from the bible that gripped me and I can still remember them today, so many times since have I read those passages.

After the ending of one of the hymns, a man rose from the congregation and walked slowly to the front of the church. He bowed briefly over the bible as though saying a silent prayer, looked briefly around the congregation, adjusted his glasses and began to read. I can still hear that deep rich voice issuing from the rather bent figure straining his eyes to read the words printed in that bible.

" The readings this morning can be found in the Old Testament, Job Chapter 40 verses 7 to 14 and Chapter 42 verses 1 to 6 and in the New Testament, Matthew Chapter 11 verses 25 to 28."

He paused to let those who had a bible find the correct place.

" Gird up thy loins now like a man:

I will demand of thee and declare thou unto me

Wilt thou also disannul my judgment?

Wilt thou condemn me that thou mayest be righteous?

Hast thou an arm like God?

Or canst thou thunder in a voice like him?

Deck thyself now with majesty and excellency;

And array thyself with glory and beauty

Cast abroad the rage of thy wrath;

And behold everyone that is proud and bring him low;

And tread down the wicked in their place.

Hide them in the dust together and bind their faces in secret.

Then I will confess unto thee that thy own right hand can save you.”

The man turned a page and then read on his deep voice dropping into the silence of the church.

" Then Job answered the Lord and said

I know that thou canst do everything and

 that no thought can be witholden from thee

Who is he that hideth council without knowledge?

Therefore have I uttered that I understood not;

Things too wonderful for me which I knew not.

Hear I beseech thee, and I will speak

I will demand of thee and declare thou unto me.

I have heard of thee by hearing of the ear; but now mine eye seethe thee.

Wherefore I abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes."

The man paused again as he turned the pages to find Matthew and then continued,

" At that time Jesus answered and said; I thank thee O Father Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes. Even so Father; for so it seemed good in thy sight. All things are delivered unto me of my father; and no man knoweth the Son but the Father; neither knoweth any man the Father save the son and he to whom so ever the Son will reveal him. “

The man's voice now rose to a higher pitch " Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

The man shut the bible and walked slowly back to his seat. I did not notice. Even now I can remember how thunderstruck I was by those words. It was as though the man had been directing those words directly at me and nobody else. It was as though whoever had written those words had written them for me even though they were written centuries ago. It was as though some outside agency, at the time I would have called it fate or coincidence or whatever, had drawn me here to this place at this time? Was I meant to be here to hear this message?  I had no grounds on which to test these types of questions.

Deep in thought, I hardly heard the rest of the service. As though in a dream, when the service ended, I left my seat and went out into the sunlight. I do not know whether I shook hands or said anything to the Minister at the door. I completely forgot the reason for coming to church, leaving Henri in her place with the choir ungreeted. What she thought of me at the time I had no idea, surprised as she must have been to see me in church but even more surprised when I left without saying anything to her or waiting for her to finish.

I got into my car and drove out of town without any clear idea of where I was going. So immersed in conflicting thoughts, I drove automatically, hardly noticing the other traffic. Eventually I came to the sea and though I had trouble finding a parking place, I managed to leave the car and walk along the front by the beach. There has always been an attraction for the sea in me that was evident even before I made seagoing my career. I have found either walking up and down the bridge of a ship or beside the sea help me to think. So that day I walked along the beach with the sound of the waves in my ears, the taste of salt in my mouth but my mind desperately seeking the answer to questions I could not really formulate.

Had I stood up like a man and tried to find a path out of the swamp of my bitterness and depression? I asked myself. No, a part of me answered, you have let yourself sink into the swamp, wallowing in your bitterness like a hippo at a watering hole. But, I almost shouted aloud, I have lost the one thing that was most precious to me, am I not entitled to be bitter?  How do you answer my call that it was not my fault? my mind cried out.  Where is the peace you promise and the rest?  Where is this so called lord who asks us to lean on him when times are hard?  Then I thought of the Minister in Finland who had tried to extend the hand of help and kindness. As with my response to him, I thought, where is this benevolent being looking after all our interests?  If there is such prescience, how could He let Maria die like she did just before we were going to get married?  How could I believe His message when Maria has been taken from me even before we had time to grow together in our love?  These thoughts exploded in a shout to the sea birds whirling and squawking above my head.  Yes if there is a Lord, He is unjust and uncaring!

Wait James, a voice inside seemed speak. If you shout that there is no God because you think he is unjust and therefore not like the tales in the Bible, you might be accepting He does exist. If he exists, am I blinded by my pride like Job?  I caught hold of this thought and let it sink into my mind. When Maria died I had ranted and raved against the human race and blamed everything I could think of at the time for what had befallen me that evening in Finland. I had poured out my anger on other people even when they were trying to help me regain my wish to live. I suddenly realised with a clarity that had never been there before that all these friends could have left me to my own self-pity. For some reason they had come back again and again to lend me their support. The words came back to me from the service this morning, " Come unto me all ye who are heavy burdened and I will give you rest." Is this the way that works, God working through people to carry out his promises?

I thought of all the people who had tried to help me, seeing them all with their hands outstretched and their smiling faces, but the image of them all doing Gods work was too much for my present state of mind. Looking back and thinking now of these people, a bunch more hardly made of the right material for God's work, I cannot imagine. The Minister in Finland who in a language foreign to him had tried to comfort me but I had rejected his gesture in a fit of self pity and anger. I can even now see his concerned face as I hobbled from the church, my crutches making rattling noises on the wooden floor. Brian and Sylvie who had visited me in hospital, collected me when I had been discharged and tried to get me to face the future.  And later I had learnt that Sylvie and Brian had kept in touch with Karl in the hope that they would meet me some day to convince me to go and see my son. What had I done?  Told Brian to mind his own business and to tell Sylvie to mind hers. When Brian had found me in Hull and taken me ashore to meet some of my old friends in an effort to hopefully get me to want to come back into his world again, I had repaid his efforts by having sex with my friend Rex's fiancée. Then just as he and she must have thought they had helped me, I had hurried back to my ship and hidden myself away again. Roy had tried to help and I had abused his daughter under his own roof even though she played a large part in initiating our lovemaking.

All these people in their own way had tried to help. I now realised they had no other motive than their concern for me as one of their friends. I was somebody they cared for and who needed their help and support. Why had they tried so hard when it was obvious I did not want to accept their help? Thus, I wondered as I walked by the sea. 
Running After Maria is available through Amazon for down loading to Kindle or other electronic readers. 
As a Paperback through createspace.com or Amazon.com

The Rombuli Saga a fantasy trilogy

My fantasy trilogy THE ROMBULI SAGA is now complete!!!
















Book 3 THE PRISONER OF PARISON has been published for downloading on Kindle through Amazon.

Book 1 THE TEACHER OF THE ROMBULI is available on Kindle for downloading to all electronioc platforms and as a paperback throughwww.createspace.com

Book 2 THE RETURN OF THE EXILES is available on Kindle for downloading to all electronic platforms and as a paperback fromwww.createspace.com